Archive of ‘advice’ category

A Marvelous Moxie Marriage: We Rehearse…Again

Hi Peeps! I know, it’s been a while! Let’s get back to the wedding recaps, shall we?

When we last left off, Bob the Builder and I had taken some photos around City Hall in Philadelphia, and just made it to our venue, The Down Town Club, as it started to rain…again.  This was fine with me, because we also had to rehearse…again.

If you’ve been following along, you know that we rehearsed (and had our rehearsal dinner) the night before. Because The Down Town Club is a busy venue, we were unable to rehearse in the actual space on Friday evening. As Friday night weddings become increasingly more popular, traditional ceremony rehearsals become more tricky. We chose to rehearse in a banquet room at a hotel just down the block (shout out to the great team at Best Western Plus Independence Park Hotel for being super awesome!)

The downside to not rehearsing in your actual venue? Well, you’re not in the actual venue! I measured out our aisle (of course I did, I’m insane…), but still, there was only so much we could re-create in a small banquet room. Also, it proved difficult to get everyone to pay attention at the first rehearsal. So, I was grateful that we had scheduled another walkthrough for 4pm on the wedding day. However, I was very clear with my wedding planner that I did not wish to attend that rehearsal.

Here’s why you need to hire a wedding planner and/or Day-Of-Coordinator. Amanda, from Proud to Plan, was able to run this second rehearsal while I spent a few minutes by myself in the bridal suite. It was seriously the only time all day that I was alone – I wasn’t even alone when I went to the bathroom – so, for me, those few minutes were invaluable. I wanted a few minutes to compose myself and try to “get present”. It wasn’t easy. All day, I was sort of outside myself, looking in. It was difficult for me to relax. I was surprised at how overwhelmed I felt. I was grateful for those few quiet moments.

A rare quiet moment before the ceremony. I looks like I'm bracing myself on the table, but I think I'm just stretching my feet. My feet were killing me all day!

A rare quiet moment for us before the ceremony. I looks like I’m bracing myself on the table, but I think I’m just stretching my feet. My feet were killing me all day!

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5 Things NOT to Do Now that You’re Engaged

5NOTto do

I generally don’t like to write negative posts, but since we’ve already talked about 5 Things TO DO Now That You’re Engaged, I thought it was only fair to explore the flip side. So, here we go! Here’s what NOT to do right after you become engaged.

1. DO NOT Overshare on Social Media.

I know I told you to update your social media. But let’s all acknowledge that past the first step of changing your relationship status, there is a lot of room for error. In general, I think it’s a mistake to share every single detail of your wedding on social media. (I know this sounds insane coming from me, because, well, I’m a Blogger…) The reason for this is two-fold. First of all, I doubt your entire Facebook friend list cares about the color of your flowers or the fact that your hands hurt from stuffing 200 invitation envelopes. Even those who love you the most will tire of daily wedding updates. And secondly, I doubt you have invited all your friends to your Big Day. I have over 700 Facebook friends, and I think if I did the math (and I try to never ever do math) I was able to invite less than 10% of them to our wedding. So, it’s rude to discuss a party with those who aren’t invited. End of story.

If you really feel the need to share all the details, join the online communities at Weddingbee or The Knot. Or, start your own blog. :-)

And as far as posting a photo of your ring, I think that’s a personal preference. I didn’t. For me, our engagement wasn’t so much about the ring that I wanted to acknowledge it on Facebook in that way. But many gals do. It’s up to you. No judgement.

2. DO NOT Verbally Promise Things to Anyone about ANYTHING

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Top 5 Things to Do Now That You’re Engaged!

Hey Peeps,

Raise your hand if you got engaged on Friday! Did you know that Huff Post estimates that 6 MILLION couples became engaged on Valentine’s Day. Whew! That’s A LOT of proposals, you guys.

In honor of those 6 million happy couples, I’m here to share with you my Top 5 Things to Do Now That You’re Engaged!

5 things engaged1. Tell Your Peeps. 

I know you’re thinking, “Duh, yeah, of course!”. And yes, duh. But, let’s talk about HOW you are telling your peeps. I called my Dad basically right after Bob the Builder proposed. And then called my four bridesmaids. Then I realized it was after midnight on the East Coast and had to wait until the morning to call my Mom, and Bob the Builders’ family. So, I called them in the morning. Then I got tired and lazy and decided just to change my Facebook status. I didn’t realize it then, but some of my friends were miffed that they had to hear about it on Facebook and not from me directly. So, consider your peeps. And consider that getting engaged is a big huge life thing, and it (probably) only happens once, and pick up the phone and call your nearest and dearest. Or go see them in person. Don’t just rely on the Book of Face. Which brings me to…

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Guest Post: Budget Fairy Tale’s 5 Reasons To Consider a Disney Wedding or Honeymoon

Hi, I’m Mindy from Budget Fairy Tale & Inspired By Dis! Renee and I met on the internet when she helped me reach my goal of attending Camp Mighty, and now I consider her one of my closest friends. The Internet is magic, people. Today I’m excited to be guest posting on That Bride’s Got Moxie while Renee is off enjoying her honeymoon (color me jealous)!  I’m expecting a little bottle of Jamaican Rum as a thank you gift.

Speaking of honeymoons, one subject that I write about a lot on my blog is Disney weddings and honeymoons. I know for a lot of adults, the word Disney conjures up images of never ending queues and overpriced stuffed animals. But for some adults, it reminds of them of carefree childhood vacations and happily ever after. I am one of those adults, and I’m not alone. Every year, thousands of couples either get married, honeymoon, or both, at a Disney Resort. I married my husband at The Disneyland Hotel in 2012 and I wouldn’t have changed a single thing about our wonderful wedding day. Today I’m sharing a little bit of that Disney magic with the That Bride’s Got Moxie readers. Here are my 5 reasons you should consider a Disney wedding or honeymoon.

(All photos credited to Root Photography unless otherwise stated.)Mindy Main Image

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Is the Devil in the Details?

Here’s the truth. When planning our wedding, I was really, really, REALLY into the details. This was surprising to absolutely no one who knows me. In my everyday life, I am an extremely detail oriented person. (e.g., I recently told Bob the Builder that I didn’t want to go back to the restaurant we went to on New Years Eve because they didn’t give us a lemon for our fried calamari. I’m insane.)

Screen Shot 2014-01-04 at 6.52.50 PM

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A Marvelous Moxie Marriage: We Went to Philly, and There was Weather

Let’s start at the beginning, yes?

Bob the Builder and I arrived in Philadelphia around dinnertime on the Tuesday night before the wedding. Don’t worry, I’ll do the math for you: We had 3 days and 7 hours (give or take) to get everything ready for The Big Day.

I had been checking the weather like it was my full time job so I knew that the forecast was calling for rain. All week. Seven days of rain.

Screen Shot 2013-12-18 at 12.05.00 AM

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Decoding The Dress Code

Credit: OregonLive

No, this is not another wedding gown post…

Our invitations were sent out last Monday. Our guests have almost all received them, and right on schedule, All The Questions have begun. Which I totally expected. Honestly, I welcome them. I’d much rather have a question asked than a guest confused. Which leads us to the most popular query thus far: “What does “black tie optional” mean?”

This is my fault, because I put it on our invitation.

personal photo

personal photo

Let’s discuss.

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On Being An “Older” Bride

Photo Credit: http://esistnichteinfach.blogspot.com/2011/04/at-springtime-party-old-maid-makes.html

(Whatever the hell that means…)

This past Saturday, I turned 37. Living in Los Angeles, and spending most of my adult life as an actor, I feel like I should always be lying about my age. No one ever admits their actual age here in La La Land, preferring to answer the age question with, “Well, I can play 30-35.” Sometimes it’s accurate. Sometimes you wonder what mirror people have been using.

At a party at my house last weekend, a group of my actor friends got into the Age Discussion. We’ve all been friends for years, so we all told the truth…I think. When I mentioned by 37th birthday was in a few days, one of the guys said, “Really? I thought you were like, 30…” This instantly made me happy. I am kind of obsessed with my skin care regime, and phobic about sun exposure and wrinkles. So, yay! Winning!

But then I felt embarrassed for feeling so happy. I mean, I should be proud that I “look good” for 37. But I also wish that I lived in a society  - hell, in a CITY, that wasn’t scared to death of growing older. I wish that wasn’t part of my brain. But when Groupon offers you 80% off botox every single morning (is this just in LA? Please tell me it is…), it’s hard not to find yourself wondering,  ”Do I need this?” For the record, I haven’t purchased that Groupon. I hope I never do.

Being a 37-year-old first-time Bride has been very…interesting.

There was the appointment at the big-box major chain bridal gown store where I was asked by my consultant, “Is this your first marriage?”. And the debate I participated in online at Weddingbee about the “etiquette” regarding older brides wearing ball gowns. Apparently, we should all be sneaking around town, getting married quietly at the Justice of the Peace, and wearing a sad, plain sack to skulk unnoticed out of the “Old Maid” category.

Photo Credit: http://esistnichteinfach.blogspot.com/2011/04/at-springtime-party-old-maid-makes.html

Photo Credit: http://esistnichteinfach.blogspot.com/2011/04/at-springtime-party-old-maid-makes.html/caption

 

Well, I say, “No thank you!” to all of that bullshit.

I’ve been in a rather reflective mood this week, as birthdays are wont to do to a person. And ya know what I’ve been thinking about? All my past relationships. And how glad I am that they brought me to this place in my life.

See this girl?

 

[caption id="attachment_1542" align="aligncenter" width="471"]personal photo  a headshot proof from Thaddeus Watkins personal photo
a headshot proof from Thaddeus Watkins

That’s me, at 24 years old. Here are the things I cared about, in order of importance: Getting cast in a broadway show, going to the gym, working my bartending shift, going to see good theatre, hanging out with my friends, and boys. Boys were last.

At 24, when my best friend (and current MOH) called me to tell me she got engaged, my response was, “Oh my god, why?”. (The fact that she still loves me after that oh-so-awesome response says a lot.) I just couldn’t comprehend that life choice at that time. I had bigger fish to fry, so to speak. The idea of “settling down” was just the most foreign thing to me. At 24, I had just come off of 2 1/2 years of performing in touring shows. I was living out of a suitcase. I kind of loved it. I missed my “stuff” but I got to see the whole country – a few times! I wouldn’t take back or change those years for anything. And now, at 37, my only regret is that I wish I would have stayed in NYC a few years longer. But what good is regret?

I think back to my serious past relationships, and although I can recall the good, I can see how, if I married any of those guys, those marriages would have ended in messy painful divorces. Actually, if I’m being honest, the idea of marriage with any of those guys scared the crap out of me. At my 28th (I think it was 28?) birthday party, my boyfriend took me outside to the parking lot to give me my gift. He revealed from behind his back a small bag from Tiffany’s. As he handed the bag to me, I blurted out, “No.” I didn’t even know what it was, but the idea of that bag containing an engagement ring made me so nauseous, that before he could even say anything, I said, “No.” I don’t even think he noticed. Or, if he noticed, he was nice and didn’t ask me about it. Turns out, it was just a necklace. (Whew…)

At 37, I finally feel ready to make the kind of committment that makes a great marriage. At 37, I know myself much better. As a younger woman, I would frequently find myself a few months (or years) into a relationship wondering, “Where did I go?”. The longer I stayed with the wrong man, the more I’d lose myself. His interests would become my interests. His dreams would become my dreams. Except they weren’t my dreams at all. Where did my dreams go? I wish I could say I did this once, but sadly, this was a pattern that repeated itself a few times. I’d like to think this is just a young woman’s problem, but I see some of my friends living this right now. I can proudly say that this has never been the case with me and Bob the Builder. We have a lot in common, yes, but our differences are supported and encouraged by each of us. If I don’t write for a few days, he always mentiones it. “You should be writing!”, he says. I’ve honestly never been with someone who is so supportive of anything I dream up – from this blog, to running a 5K, to learning how to bake homemade bread – anything, really. He even eats the (sometimes awful) results. :-)

Being an “older” bride has been a little easier in some regards. After all, at this point, I’ve been hosting and planning parties for 16 years. Even in my tiny Upper West Side apartment, I would host a Tony Awards Party every year, and cram people into my tiny living room. At 21 years old, I was happily making guacamole in an apartment where only two people could stand in the kitchen at a time. 16 years later, I know how to throw a party, organize a guest list, and add in special details that make the whole event sparkle just a little bit brighter.

I wish I could tell you that being an older bride has made me immune to self-doubt, and low self-esteem, but I can’t lie to my fellow brideys like that. Maybe those feelings are a little diminished by age – when I turned 30 I pretty much stopped caring if people liked me or not (a totally awesome part of growing older) – but they don’t go away entirely. I am still working my ass off (literally) so that I can feel amazing and toned in my (ahem) ballgown. In fact, I can tell you that part actually sucks. Working out to lose weight has gotten so much harder. I have to work 200% harder just to see the same results I saw ten years ago. But it’s not impossible. Just makes me want to achieve my goals even more, even though now it means waking up at 6am to go work out.

Yup. Basically. Credit: Some ecards

Yup. Basically.
Credit: Some ecards

So, here I am, at 37 years old.

personal photo I haven't cut off all my hair. It's just in a bun.

personal photo
I haven’t cut off all my hair. It’s just in a bun.

In 136 days I will be a wife. I wish I had some awesome words of wisdom about being an “older” bride, but really, I don’t feel like an older bride. I just feel like me. In my brain, I’m still 32-ish. Only making better choices. With a much better partner in crime.

I will never know what it’s like to be married at 23. And that’s fine by me. We all make our choices, set our priorities, and work toward our goals. If I had changed even one tiny thing in my life, I probably wouldn’t have even met Bob the Builder. And I would have missed out on all this happiness. So, no. No regrets. No do-overs for me.

I can tell you this “older bride” is wearing a ballgown. A big ivory ballgown. And a giant cathedral length veil. With bling! I am having a big celebratory wedding – decorum of an “older bride” be damned! I waited 37 years for it, and I’m living it up!!!

After all, it’s the only wedding I’ll ever have. May as well go big or go home.

:-)

Any other “older” brides out there getting all the feelings from the asshats in the WIC? Oh sorry, was that too much? Any other over 35 brides breaking “etiquette” and doing whatever you want? (There. Thats better.)

2ndtrySIG

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